Loving Yourself is No Virtue
"Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all."
This sentiment, popularized by Whitney Houston, Oprah Winfrey, and a myriad of other pop-philosophers, has put down deep roots in American pop culture. The crowd of people I've heard parrot the idea that one must learn to love themselves before they can love others is too numerous to count. This idea is commonly praised as a universal truism. In stark contrast, the apostle Paul teaches us that the love of self is no virtue, by including it in a list of horrible and foolish attributes possessed by those in the last days:
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." (II Timothy 3:1-5)
Lord, deliver us from our love of self and help us to love one another as you commanded (John 15:12).
- Elder Daniel Samons
FOLLOW UP INQUIRY
Several places in scripture, and as part of the second "great commandment" Jesus instructs us to "love thy neighbour as thyself." On its face, this seems to infer there is some manner of loving self that is acceptable to God. Perhaps you might address what Jesus intended by directing us to love others as we love ourselves. I don't bring this to your attention as a point of contention. Rather, I see it as an opportunity to address a seeming contradiction in scripture by rightly dividing the word of God; that we can grow in the grace and knowledge of our LORD, Christ Jesus.
- Elder Michael Ivey
RESPONSE
My thoughts follow:
Several places in scripture, and as part of the second "great commandment" Jesus instructs us to "love thy neighbour as thyself." On its face, this seems to infer there is some manner of loving self that is acceptable to God. Perhaps you might address what Jesus intended by directing us to love others as we love ourselves.
This is an astute observation worthy of direct and sober consideration. By way of reminder, the statements regarding love of self in my article are made in response to the popular statement - “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all” - which is considered a “universal truism” by many. When compared to the bible’s statements we find notable distinctions:
1. The “love of self” referred to in pop culture must be learned whereas the “love of self” described in scripture is a presupposition of the human condition. “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it,” (Ephesians 5:29) I submit that Paul’s statement carries the same meaning as, “Every man loves his own flesh,” and by extension, “Every man loves himself,” at least in some respects. It is a natural tendency to look after one’s own needs as a matter of primary importance. As to whether this “self-love” is vice or virtue, I will leave alone for now. It is sufficient for now to observe that it exists.
2. This “love of self” found in scripture is used in reference to how we ought to love others. We find this in the passage you previously referenced: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:39) Here again we see that “love of self” is not some allusive characteristic that must be acquired through extensive learning but is assumed as an inherent attribute of humanity. Whatever else might be said, this observation again distinguishes it from the "self-love" found in pop-culture today. Here again I will let alone the matter of the inherent vice or virtue of such “self-love” in favor of recognizing that it is used as a level by which the prominence of one’s love of others may be compared. I believe the Lord’s intent is for us to consider whether we are oriented to toward the service of others or oriented toward service of self. This is necessary because self-orientation (self-love) is accepted axiomatically and thus everyone is inclined to it by default.
To draw that out more clearly, I do not understand the Lord to be saying that, “Everyone should love themselves, and they should love others that way too.” Rather, I believe the Lord’s point is more like, “You will love your neighbor as you ought when you consider their needs to be as important as your own needs and act accordingly.”
Perhaps that explanation demonstrates why I passed by the matter of whether this “self-love” is virtue or vice. It seems clear to me that an act of sinful selfishness might prove a virtuous charity if it was directed toward another. I do not doubt that the less than favorable view of “self-love” I’m implying here might be hotly contested. That said, I would not deny that there are virtuous aspects of personal stewardship that one might legitimately regard as “self-love.” Nevertheless, I see explicit scriptural references that cast “self-love” as a vice such as in the aforementioned II Timothy 3:1-5 passage. It seems that this un-virtuous “self-love” is what is intended by the purveyors of “self-love-ism” in our society today. As often as not, “self-love” demands that one embrace their sin as an unalterable function of “self” and that any attempt to modify or curtail this expression of “self” are cast as “self-hate” as a result. In short, the pop-cultural notion of “self-love” is the declaration that “I am defined by my carnal urges which I must accept and any attempts to alter them constitute a form of self-hate.”
To sum all that up:
The “self-love” of modern pop culture exemplified and addressed in my original article is a learned attribute, whereas the “self-love” of scripture is an axiomatic presupposition inherent to all of humanity.
The command to “love your neighbour as yourself” invokes a comparison charity versus selfishness. An incredibly convicting exercise given our capacity for the latter.
The pop-culture notion of “self-love” is largely about embracing one’s sin and refusing to accept any testimony that is contrary to that inclination.
I don't bring this to your attention as a point of contention.
I understand and appreciate your desire to make that clear. Let me set you at ease by saying that you may regard that as my default assumption for all such probing questions and discussions. What’s more, should you choose to raise a point of contention on this or some other matter, I do not regard that as anything other than a matter of legitimate inquiry. Indeed, if I presume to speak about such things in an open forum, I am obligated to defend them openly and transparently as well. I think you raise a legitimate point of inquiry, one that many others would likely have as well, even if they never raised it in this discussion, and one that deserves proper consideration, which I hope I’ve given.
Rather, I see it as an opportunity to address a seeming contradiction in scripture by rightly dividing the word of God; that we can grow in the grace and knowledge of our LORD, Christ Jesus.
I fully agree. Good discussion.
- Elder Daniel Samons